The attack on Charlie Hebdo in Paris shook the world. In that
week, 17 people died altogether in France, including an attack on a kosher
grocery store, followed by a hostage situation until finally the two gunmen
were shot to death by police forces. Following this week of terror, the entire
world mourned, and showed their solidarity with Charlie Hebdo, saying that they
stand for freedom of speech, with millions joining in the rally and even world
leaders coming to show their support.
Following this, they reprinted the cartoon of the Prophet Muhammad
that was the trigger of the shooting all over the world, selling millions of
copies. Islamophobia spread like wildfire, with the sharp rise of the likes of
right-wing parties in France, Patriotic Europeans Against the Islamisation of
the West (PEGIDA) in Germany. Retaliation attacks, such as the murder of an
Eritrean-born Muslim in Dresden, and the horrific stabbing of another Muslim
man at home in front of his wife in southern France, soon followed. Other forms
of Islamophobic attacks against mosques and individuals have been reported as
well all over Europe. It's no surprise really.
You can read the news and learn all this. What I want to talk
about is my personal story.
I'm a Muslim, Malaysian by nationality, and studying in the UK. I
wholeheartedly condemn the killings in Paris, and am very saddened by all the
deaths that have happened. However, I believe it is wrong to blame all Muslims
for the attacks. Would you blame a man if his neighbour is a murderer, by
virtue of him living on the same street? Would you blame all the people of a
country, for the wrongs of one of its' citizens, by virtue of their
nationality? Then why, would you blame, hate and kill a man, for the crimes of
complete strangers, simply because they believe in the same religion?
I wear the hijab, the shawl over my head marks me to the entire
world as a Muslim, and I am proud of it. It's a sign of my faith, just as a
Christian wears a cross, and a Jew wears a yarmulke. But now, it's a target
sign over my head. That's how I feel like, walking in the streets, a sitting
duck to anyone who would like to "get back" at a Muslim, any random
Muslim. Am I paranoid? Perhaps, but then again it has happened, and it will
happen again, if we don't create a mutual understanding. My parents in Malaysia
keep telling me not to go out alone, not to travel to other parts of Europe,
always stay in groups of people, fearing for my life. What did I do to deserve
this fear? Why do my parents have to stay up worrying about me being targeted,
when I have done nothing wrong?
A friend of mine told me a personal experience of hers. When
soldier Lee Rigby was murdered in London, a similar wave of Islamophobia
consumed London. She was back home that weekend from university, and planning
to go to a friend's house for a birthday party. Her worried mother said to her:
"How about wearing a turban today instead of your hijab (headscarf)?"
My friend didn't admit it out loud, but she too was actually scared to leave
the house wearing her hijab, because she knew it marked her out as a Muslim.
But determined to keep her faith, she wore it and left.
Her friends had not seen her since high school, which was before
she wore the hijab, and although they were probably surprised, they didn't
comment on it. As the party went on, she relaxed a little. Joining in
conversation with some other people, one slightly drunk guy joked: " at
least we don't go around chopping people's heads off." My friend didn't quite
hear the comment, and just laughed along with the others. But as she went
through the comment in her head and realised what he'd said, she felt awful. On
the way home, all she could was berate herself internally for not realising it,
and not saying something back, while the tears kept coming. Till this day,
years after that incident, when she told me the story she still cries, the
memory still painful. Why did she have to feel that fear, that anger, that
pain, when she had done nothing wrong to deserve it?
My housemate is planning to go to Paris for a holiday next month.
She's booked the tickets ages ago, before the shooting happened. Now, she has
to consider whether it's still safe for her to go. If she does go, every single
second she'll have to be on alert, always wondering if someone will attack her,
simply because she wears a hijab and is a Muslim. Of all places, in Europe,
where they claim there is freedom of expression, freedom of speech and equality
for all, she shouldn't have to keep looking over her shoulder.
I was in Edinburgh last weekend for the first time, and for lunch
I simply walked in the nearest restaurant, being too hungry to notice the
restaurant name was Petit Paris. I sat down and ordered, and only then noticed
that the waiters and the kitchen staff were speaking French. A few of the other
customers stared at me, and all I could imagine them thinking was: "How
dare she eat here, of all places?!" Throughout the meal, I was
uncomfortable, self-conscious, and afraid. The staff and food were excellent,
but my experience was tainted. Why do I have to feel this
way, when I personally had done nothing wrong?
There's a whole discussion and debate about how discrimination and
lack of integration is marginalising Muslims in Europe which turns them to
extremism, but I'm not here to argue about that, or about politics,
ideologies, religions or anything like that. I just want to tell the story for
my point of view, as a Muslim woman living in Europe. Just as no one should be
discriminated based on their race, colour, and nationality, the same should
apply to religion. Don't hate me just because I'm a Muslim.
