Single is Sin

Ahh, there it is again.

"You're still single?" The surprised look.

"So, have you got a boyfriend yet?" The expectant tone.

"Any good news?" The teasing question.

"There really isn't anyone you're interested in?" The disbelieving expression.

"You're just too picky. Your standards are way too high." The insensitive reply.

"You've gotta go out and meet people, socialize and mix around. You're not going to meet anyone if you don't put in some effort." The carelessly thrown advice.

"Maybe guys are just intimidated by you, you're so accomplished." The attempts to console, backfiring.

Is being single such a sin? Heck, I'm only 24. Still a student, barely out of the cocoon of childhood, the wings of adulthood still barely unfurled.

I don't even know myself well, how am I supposed to know another human being enough to trust and give them my all? 

I'm a stranger still to myself, how do I find another stranger and become intimate? 

If falling in love means letting someone in, how do I do that when I still can't find the door to my own heart?

I know the questions are well meaning, the teasing and the jokes merely good-natured fun, and their concern (that because I am single I am lonely) is only because they care.  Still, it makes me feel like I've failed somehow by being single; that my failure in finding someone to love and to love me back is a sign that there is something wrong with me. Perhaps there is, I don't know. Perhaps the fault lies with me, and I have to fix it so people will stop being worried and I can fulfill their expectations.

But that's not right. I shouldn't be trying to find someone to love for reasons like that. Shouldn't love come naturally, like a bolt out of the blue, or like the gentle swell of a wave, or is that another lie spread by movies and novels? 

Well if it's a lie, at least I know this must be true: that love should not be for anyone else's sake. 

Love should be because your heart couldn't help but fall, not because that person fulfills all the criteria on your list, or because people around expect you to be with someone, anyone. Love should be " not just because you can see yourself with them, but because you can't imagine your life without them."  I want my love to be for that reason, and that reason alone. 

If that means I have to be single for a bit longer, and endure the barrage of questions and advice for a bit longer, and continue my awkward attempts at finding "the one", I don't mind. If the reasons and the person is right for me, that's when it'll be the right time for me too. And that's all that matters. *smile*