Yes, I'm smart. Deal with it.

“You’re so smart, I feel inferior to you/intimidated by you.”

“Oh no no, I’m not that smart. I’m lazy, I’ve failed a few times, bla bla bla (insert more humbling, putting self down nonsense)”

Guess which one in this conversation is the girl?

If I had a pound/ringgit for every time someone said the first line to me, I’d be able to buy a mansion by now. And if I had to pay a pound/ringgit for every time I said the second line, I’d be broke again.  

I am not the only one though. Almost every accomplished woman I know has had this conversation multiple times, and it is a sad reflection of the kind of misogynistic culture we’ve been brought up in.

Every time a guy says that he feels inferior or intimidated because of my intelligence or accomplishments, I’ve always automatically defaulted to putting myself down, listing all my flaws to the point of dumbing myself down to make sure the guy’s ego is soothed and to make myself appear more “approachable”. Why? Because we’re brought up in a culture where women aren’t supposed to be smarter than guys, and should never overshadow men. It wasn’t very long ago that mothers were telling their daughters not to study too hard or be too successful lest it hurt their chances at marriage. 

That has changed a lot today, but unfortunately the male ego hasn’t. The phenomena of young, single successful women struggling to find partners is largely due to the inability of men to accept that women are outstripping them in almost every aspect, and instead of stepping up to the plate to be equal and worthy of these powerful women, many guys are instead asking them to slow down and pretend to be lesser than their real selves. 

It has got to stop.

Ladies, stop apologizing for being amazing. Stop putting yourself down for a guy’s approval. You are smart, strong, successful and capable. No one can take that away from you, and you should never let anyone make you feel that it’s wrong to go get what you want.  The guys are the ones who should be keeping up with you. 

Guys, if you want to be with someone who is intelligent, independent and accomplished, then you should work hard to be equally intelligent, independent and accomplished. 

Step up your game, boys.

So next time I hear that all too familiar line, I’m going to say: “Yes, I’m smart. So if you feel inferior, that is your problem. Deal with it."