Acceptance.

After a long hiatus during the summer holidays, I couldn't decide on what to write for my "comeback" to blogging, which inevitably resulted in an even longer hiatus. But today, I was inspired by another blogger's brilliant article (and a couple of other amazing articles I read today) to get my fingers running on my keyboard again.

This was something I thought about in the shower. Now don't belittle a shower or a toilet inspiration; P. Ramlee once famously said that he got his best ideas while he was in the loo. So, one day in the shower, I had a song in my head. An old 90's song, and the lyrics went like this:

Don't you ever say
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far

And I hope you always stay the same
'Cause there's nothing 'bout you I would change

I love the song, and the lyrics are really uplifting, telling you to believe in yourself (such a Disney feeling) and how you should love yourself. Don't get me wrong, I agree with loving yourself and being confident. 

But it got me thinking, would I ever say that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing that I would change about someone, and actually mean it? And should anyone be saying that?

I always think that since we are never perfect, we always have room for improvement, and hence there is ALWAYS something we would (and perhaps should) change about ourselves to make us into better people. So, yes, there is something, maybe a couple of things, that I would change about you, and about me, and about everyone really.

It makes me sound like such a judgemental and unaccepting person. :/

But if you love and care for someone, you would want that person to be the best they can be, and want more out of life for them, right? That's why mums push us to go for ballet, piano, and swimming as a kid even though we hated them. So it's not that we don't accept that person, obviously we accept them that's why we love them; but we know they've got so much more potential, and we want them to be the best they can be.

Acceptance, to me, is not just about accepting a person for who they are right now, flaws and all. It's also about accepting them for who they may be in future, and how they would change, and loving them nevertheless. 

It's definitely not an easy thing to do. 

And I think part of accepting and loving someone, it's wanting them to accept that they can be so much more, but that even if they don't get better, they would still be loved and accepted. In that sense, acceptance is dynamic, and can change, just as humans do. Just because I accept you now, might not mean I accept you forever. 

So if someone tells me that they can accept all that I am, and expect me never to change, that's not really acceptance. People change, it is human nature. All that we can do is decide which way we change, and re-evaluate our acceptance. After all, relationships need work to stay functional, just as a car needs to be maintained to stay in working order.

And that's okay. It keeps things interesting :)

Here's that song for you to sing in the shower:

Shell

If I'm keep myself to myself, I wouldn't feel disappointed when no one cares.

If I stay alone, I wouldn't expect to have friends come to see me or find me. If I don't talk to anyone, I won't expect to have someone talking back to me.

Or need to find someone to talk to who actually listens and wants to know.

If I don't care about anyone, I wouldn't get hurt or disappointed when they don't care for me back.

If I don't have anyone to care for, I wouldn't need to keep thinking and squeezing my brain and heart trying to figure out what they want from me,
did I do something wrong,
what should I do to keep them by my side,
how can I make them like me why don't they like me are they just being nice when they don't really like me i have to stop these thoughts they're nonsense i can't stop it they drive me mad keep me up at night i should

Stop.

I'll stay in my shell. My comfortable, safe shell where I can hide my heart, not have any expectations and never be disappointed and hurt. I won't be happy, but at least I won't be sad. Maybe that's the best I can hope for.

Until I find a better place for me.

It's my fault I'm lonely

Whenever I feel lonely, I find that most of the time it's my fault.

It's my fault for not leaving the comfort of my room to go talk to my friends.

It's my fault for preferring to watch videos on my laptop instead of going out with the girls.

It's my fault for not making more friends.

It's my fault for not being more friendly and approachable.

It's my fault that people don't approach me to be friends. 

It's my fault that my friends don't really want or seek my company.

It's my fault that people don't invite me out for gatherings.

It's my fault for thinking being with people will make me feel less lonely.

It's my fault for thinking that having loads of friends means I'll never be lonely.

Because everyone is lonely.
But I am never alone. 

God is always with me. 
And it's my fault for not remembering that sometimes. 

Which is why I get lonely.

Turbulent Waves : Episode 3

 This cannot be real. This must be a really bad nightmare.

Those two sentences kept running through my head. Bessima was still doing CPR on Farah, as the boat sped back towards the jetty in Kota Kinabalu, where the ambulance we called earlier was waiting. The only thing I could do was stand by helplessly and watch, as Bessima kept trying to inject life into my wife's lifeless body. If Bessima wasn't with us, I would have no idea what would have happened. The moment when we turned around to find Farah, and she was just floating silently in the water, I almost went insane with fear. But it was Bessima who remained calm and took charge of the situation. She immediately instructed me to get back on the boat, and she carried Farah up to the boat. I was completely useless, frozen with shock. When Bessima struggled to lift Farah into the boat, I didn't even move to help. My mind was completely blank. Bessima immediately checked Farah's vital signs, ordered the boat driver to call an ambulance, and started CPR on Farah without missing a beat. At that moment, I thanked God that we had such a capable doctor with us, and all I could do was pray to God for Farah to be alright...

"I'm so sorry Zarif, I'm so sorry." Bessima kept repeating those words as tears streamed down her face. Her words seemed to echo painfully inside my hollow heart. They told me that she's dead. My wife, who was just happily enjoying our honeymoon just a few hours ago, was dead. They're not sure why, but a post mortem will be done to check the cause of death. I don't care why. I don't care about anything at all, except the fact that she's dead and she's not coming back. After that fact registered in my head, everything went black.

- 6 MONTHS LATER -

I've been recuperating at my parent's home for the past few months. Thanks to God's guidance, and the support of my friends and family, I've been able to accept Farah's death. The coroner's report stated only that she had died of cerebral death and acidosis. One theory was that Farah was nervous and hyperventilated, resulting in acidosis, and she lost consciousness, and we were too late to notice and prevent brain death. Although it was unlikely, they did suspect poisoning because of some signs, but were unable to find a motive nor the source. The scuba tank that Farah had used fell into the sea when Bessima was trying to pull her up into the boat, so they couldn't check that, so there was no other leads. But I was at peace, and whether her death was an accident or not, I was finally able to let her go.

Bessima has been so loyal to me throughout the ordeal, cooperating with the police and helping me get back on my feet. She's been an absolute lifesaver, but her companionship to me has strained her relationship with her fiance, and her engagement got broken off. I felt really guilty about it, but Bessima has remained her cheerful confident self, and thanks to her I've slowly gotten my smile back. Another person who has unexpectedly been a great help was my ex-girlfriend, Yati. She came for Farah's funeral, and has been a good friend to me and my family. My mother has been especially relieved with Yati's return, as she had always wanted Yati and I to be together. Though both Yati and I have moved on, it's comforting to have her by my side, as she knows me and my family well, having grown up together. To my surprise, Yati and Bessima have gotten along well, and are friends now. Mother keeps telling me to choose one of them, that I should start moving on, and Farah would have wanted me to be happy. To be honest, both of them have been on my mind lately, but I can't really choose.

Next week, my family is bringing me to a beach resort to unwind and to get over my fears of the sea since Farah's death. Though I am a bit anxious, I know I must confront my fears; after all, they always tell you to get back on the horse once you've fell.  Yati and Bessima are coming along too, and I've decided to use this chance to decide once and for all who to choose. I wonder what will happen this time...

Await the next episode...

A tribute to Khalil Gibran and Knowledge

"A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle."
-Khalil Gibran


Don't let your little knowledge be idle because it is only a little knowledge. Knowledge does not decrease when shared, but multiplies and fortifies itself in the mind when repeated and shared with others. Teachers are made wiser when they teach, and scholars are only acknowledged as scholars when they share their knowledge, for before then, what are they but learned to themselves alone? 

However, don't speak unless your little knowledge is truth, and you believe it to be of benefit to those you share with. Unnecessary words and half truths can often be more dangerous than silence."I wash my hands of those who imagine chattering to be knowledge, silence to be ignorance, and affection to be art."

If you know of the doubts and flaws of your knowledge, let them know, so they may consider and judge for themselves. Do not force knowledge and stuff it down people's throats; remember:
"the teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind".

 Let not your confidence and ego blind you into baseless accusations and groundless facts, but be humble with your little knowledge; after all, a wise man thinks himself a fool, and only a fool thinks himself wise.

"Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself."

Avoid being condescending of those who are younger, though they have lived a shorter time, they may have older souls and brighter minds. Know that experiences are not measured by time but by intensity, and by the lessons taken from it. For surely, there is nothing that disgraces knowledge than arrogance.

 "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh, and the greatness which does not bow before children." 

Note: All the quotes above in bold are by Khalil Gibran, a Lebanese poet. This is a tribute to him, to my Lebanese roots, and to knowledge.

Turbulent Waves : Episode 2

Episode 2 

As soon as they arrived at the hotel on Pulau Mamutik, Bessima excused herself to attend to some other business. Farah and Zarif were whisked to their honeymoon suite, and they were completely awed by the amazing room, as well as the jaw-dropping view of the sea from their balcony. While munching on the complimentary heart-shaped chocolates, they excitedly discussed what activities they can do the next day on the island, especially since both of them enjoyed the outdoors. They decided that since the islands of Sabah are world-renowned for their reefs, the first thing to do was definitely to go diving. When Bessima came back to check on them before going home, they told her of their plans, and she happily agreed to arrange everything. Farah excitedly invited Bessima to join them as she was an experienced diver, and she agreed. All three of them looked forward to an exciting diving trip the next day...

After a light breakfast, Farah and Zarif joined Bessima on a boat she chartered for them, and introduced them to the boat driver, who was surprisingly a woman. Bessima had even prepared all the equipment for them, and gave them a quick tutorial on how to use all the equipment and helped them put on the suits (she even had a special Muslimah diving suits for both herself and Farah). When they reached the dive site, Farah was feeling apprehensive as the location was further out than she had thought. It was just the sea for miles and miles around, and the island was a small speck in the distance. But she tried to shake her fear off, trying to convince herself that in the hands of a professional diver like Bessima, she should be fine. She focused her attention back on Bessima, who was explaining about how to dive. She strapped on the equipment and tanks on both of them, and jokingly asked them if they had any last words. Farah laughed nervously, and a chill ran down her back as Bessima gave her a sudden hug. As the three of them took the plunge, Farah held tightly to Zarif's hands...

Her first thought of the underwater scenery was, "Why is it so blurry?" She thought it was just condensation in her goggles, but then she started feeling dizzy. Zarif and Bessima were already a few meters ahead, completely absorbed with the amazing marine life. 

Neither noticed, as Farah slowly blacked out, and bubbles  stopped coming out of her mask...

Await the next episode...

Disclaimer: This drama is completely fictional, and has nothing to do with anyone dead or alive. Any resemblance or similarity (especially in names) is PURELY coincidental.

INFJ? Is this me?

I took a personality test today, It seemed rather reliable, and is based on the writings of Carl Jung, David Keirsey and Isabel Briggs-Myers. According to the test results, I am an INFJ type, and I quite agree with 98% of it. Here's the description of my type. Parts in red are my comments:

"The INFJ type is believed to be very rare (less than 1 percent of the population) and it has an unusual set of traits. Even though their presence can be described as very quiet (huh??), INFJ personalities usually have many strong opinions, especially when it comes to issues they consider really important in life. (yup, agreed) If an INFJ is fighting for something, this is because they believe in the idea itself, not because of some selfish reasons.

INFJ personalities are drawn towards helping those in need – they may rush to the place of a major disaster, participate in rescue efforts, do charity work etc. (Mercy Malaysia!!) INFJs see this as their duty and their purpose in life – people with this personality type firmly believe that nothing else would help the world as much as getting rid of all the tyrants. Karma and similar concepts are very attractive to INFJs. (what goes around comes around...)

These tendencies are also strengthened by the fact that INFJ personalities have a unique combination of idealism and decisiveness – this means that their creativity and imagination can be directed towards a specific goal. Few other personality types have this trait and this is one of the most important reasons why many INFJs are able to eventually realize their dreams and make a lasting positive impact. (ooh really? I hope so, inshaAllah :D)

INFJs are masters of written communication, with a distinctively smooth and warm language. (erk, are my blogs smooth and warm?) In addition, the sensitivity of INFJs allows them to connect to others quite easily. Their easy and pleasant communication can often mislead bystanders, who might think that the INFJ is actually an extrovert. (agree 100% with this. Everyone doesn't believe me when I tell them I'm actually shy.)

INFJs should be careful to avoid “overheating” as their zeal and determination can sometimes get out of hand. As introverts, INFJs need to have some “alone time” every once in a while or otherwise their internal energy reserves will get depleted really quickly. (Yeah, so leave me alone sometimes, especially when I'm reading!) If this happens, the INFJ may surprise everybody around them by withdrawing from all their activities for a while – and since other people usually see INFJs as extroverts, this can leave them both surprised and concerned. (Don't worry, I'm fine, just recharging :P)

INFJs take great care of other people’s feelings and expect others to return the favor. Unsurprisingly, people with this personality type are very sensitive and vulnerable to conflicts – even the most rational INFJs may find it quite difficult to not take criticism personally. (I'm rather embarrassed to admit this is true. I'm working on it though.) This is the INFJ’s Achilles’ heel – if someone with an INFJ personality cannot escape the conflict, they will do their best to deal with it head on, but this will result in a lot of stress and may also potentially lead to health problems or highly irrational behavior. (I'm working on it, inshaAllah)"

Now you know everything about me. (Note my sarcasm)

If there is any part of this that you think doesn't fit me, or is not accurate for me, do comment. I just love reading comments (no sarcasm here). 

Try the test yourself at http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test :)

Turbulent Waves (English version)

Episode 1

The sound of the aircraft engines grated on her ears. Farah stared out of the window and smiled to herself. She never ever dreamt that this day would come. She felt her hand being squeezed gently, and she turned towards her husband with a wide smile on her lips. Zarif smiled back at her, and at that moment they were  the happiest couple in the world. Little did they know that this happiness would not last, as tragedy will soon strike...

When they arrived in the airport, Farah's best friend, Bessima was already there waiting for them. Bessima dan Farah have been close friends since their university days in Nottingham, and were even house-mates for a while. Bessima was also acquainted with Zarif, as the three of them went to the same university. After graduation, they kept in touch and remained very close. Actually, it was Bessima who suggested that Farah and Zarif spend their honeymoon in Sabah, as Bessima is a proud native Sabahan who loves promoting the natural beauty of the Land Below the Wind. Farah is quite happy with that suggestion, as she gets to meet an old friend while enjoying a romantic honeymoon in Pulau Mamutik, and even Zarif was relieved as Bessima helped them arrange all their transportation and accommodation.

On the way to the jetty, the three of them happily chatted away about the various happenings in their lives, including Farah and Zarif's recent marriage. Farah still feels awkward talking about herself and Zarif, as she knows that back in university, Bessima had a crush on Zarif. Even before accepting Zarif's marriage proposal, Farah had consulted Bessima first about her feelings, as she didn't want to risk losing her best friend. However, Bessima just laughed and said "Oh dear, that's old history darling. I've gotten over him a long time ago, okay?" At first, Farah doubted her words, but after seeing how happily she celebrated their wedding, and the fact that Bessima recently got engaged to someone else, Farah is relieved and finally believes that Bessima has no more feelings for Zarif.

But is that really true?

Await the next episode...

Ombak Bergelora (Turbulent Waves)

Episode 1

Bunyi enjin kapal terbang membingitkan telinga. Farah melihat luar tingkap dan tersenyum sendiri. Dia tidak pernah termimpi pun hari ini akan tiba. Dia terasa tangannya digenggam erat, dan dia pusing ke arah suaminya sambil tersenyum lebar. Zarif tersenyum kembali, dan pada ketika itu mereka sangat bahagia. Sedikit pun tidak terlintas di kepala mereka bahawa kebahagiaan ini tidak akan kekal lama, kerana tragedi bakal melanda...

Setibanya di lapangan terbang, kawan rapat Farah, Bessima sudah sedia menunggu ketibaan mereka. Bessima dan Farah telah berkawan rapat sejak zaman universiti di Nottingham lagi, dan mereka juga pernah duduk serumah. Bessima juga kenal Zarif, dan mereka bertiga telah mengaji di universiti yang sama. Selepas tamat pengajian, mereka masih mengekalkan hubungan rapat mereka. Sebenarnya, Bessima yang mencadangkan kepada Farah dan Zarif untuk berbulan madu di Sabah, kerana Bessima anak tulen Sabah yang amat bangga dengan kecantikan alam semulajadi Negeri di bawah Bayu. Farah amat gembira kerana dapat berjumpa dengan kawan lama sambil menikmati bulan madu yang romantik di Pulau Mamutik, dan Zarif juga lega kerana Bessima telah membantu mereka menguruskan segala pengangkutan dan penginapan mereka.

Dalam perjalanan ke jeti, mereka bertiga rancak bercerita tentang kisah masing-masing, termasuklah tentang kisah perkahwinan Farah dan Zarif. Sebenarnya, Farah berasa sedikit kekok bercerita tentang dia dan Zarif, kerana Farah tahu bahawa ketika di universiti dulu, Bessima pernah suka pada Zarif. Sebelum menerima pinangan Zarif dulu, Farah pernah bertanya pada Bessima tentang perasaannya pada Zarif, kerana khuatir akan dibenci oleh kawan baiknya. Namun Bessima hanya tergelak, dan berkata: "Alahai, itu cerita lama, Farah. I dah lama over dia, okay?"  Pada mulanya Farah tidak percaya akan kata-kata Bessima, tetapi setelah melihat betapa gembiranya dia ketika meraikan perkahwinan Farah dan Zarif, serta melihat Bessima bertunang dengan lelaki lain, Farah semakin lega dan percaya bahawa Bessima sudah tidak menyimpan perasaan apa-apa pada Zarif.

Tetapi, apakah itu benar?

Nantikan episod seterusnya...

Castles in the Sky?

Confucius once said: "Find a job that you love, and you will never have to work a day of your life."

For so many people, that is a dream that will remain a dream. To have a career doing something you're passionate about, and still be able to earn a living, is like building castles in the air to some. Try telling your parents that you want to be a professional photographer, for example. They'll probably tell you to stop daydreaming and find a secure job that'll pay the rent. 

And they're right. Realistically speaking, only a handful of photographers can survive on photography alone, much less be rich or famous. 

But the dreamer still insists: What if that handful includes ME?

For those dreamers, who have the passion, drive, determination and guts to make their dreams come true despite the odds, this is dedicated to you. 

Here's an inspirational video of a man who defied all norms, quit a secure job to pursue his passion, and made a career out of his dream job :) Plus the video was shot in my lovely hometown of Sabah, so look forward to amazing underwater scenery!

I hope this inspires you as much as it inspired me. Enjoy!

The greatest enemy

Sometimes I wonder how do people define success. How do we measure it? 

I used to think that the end results determine whether we were successful or not. If we're in a competition, then winning first place is success, anything else is a failure. After all, what better word to describe success than champion?

I used to beat myself up whenever I got anything less than the top spot. Second place in class for my final exams? That means I'm stupid. 98% for my exam? Why can't I get even a measly 2% more? I was always comparing myself to others, and post-exam days in primary school would mean me asking every other person in my class what their results were and comparing it to mine. I even had a book where I would jot down my result, and put the highest mark for each subject next to my marks, so I could see how many subjects did I not get first place for, and how many more marks do I need to get to be the best. Even when I got 100%, I would write down how many other people also got 100%, trying to prove to myself that I'm not that special after all. 

But as I got older, I realised that though it was an excellent way to motivate me, I was basically putting myself down, and putting myself under so much stress every time exams came around. It also prevented me from becoming real friends with my classmates, as I was basically viewing them as my rivals and enemies all the time. I started seeing that my biggest obstacle, as clichéd as it sounds, is myself. 

So in high school, I continued my little book of results, but this time I only compared myself to...myself. I tried to beat my own score every time exams came, and when I did, I rewarded myself. When I didn't, I would go over my exam papers and speak to my teachers to try and identify my weaknesses, and learned from my classmates who were better than me at that subject. 

With this new system, I got closer to my teachers and classmates, I enjoyed beating my own records and improving every term, and somehow I got to being the best in my year without even consciously trying. 

I even stopped crying every time I failed to beat my own record. I stopped crying every time I got 2nd place or 3rd place, and I stopped feeling like all my efforts are wasted if I don't get the top spot.

Did it make me lose my competitive edge? On the contrary, I seemed to be blazing a trail of winning, even going as far as becoming national champions in debate. When all of your focus goes into being better than yourself, you forget about nervousness, about how good the other contestants or teams are, or how difficult it is to think of your debate arguments. 

When I won, I felt that all my efforts had paid off, and I knew in my heart that I won because my team and I was good, not because the other team was weaker, or because the judges like us, or because the topic was favourable to us, and that gave me so much confidence and courage. 

And when I lost, I still believed that all my efforts paid off, that I lost because the other team is better than the current me and my team, but we can still be stronger and better, and that gave me strength, to resolve to never lose again.

So if you ever lost anything, be it a competition, or election, remember that YOU define whether you lost or not. If by going through that experience, you have gained one thing, something, just anything: be it courage, confidence, skills, ideas, friends, strength, or inspiration; then you have gained, and not lost. Let every experience of losing make you strive to be a better you, instead of being about beating anyone else. And let every win make you be grateful, and strive for greater heights.

May God guide your way, and lift you to higher goals in life, and lift you to a higher Paradise in the afterlife.

P.S Congratulations to Shehroze Khan for getting 3rd place in the SU President elections recently. It wasn't a loss, as I'm sure you have gained much. This post is dedicated to you, and your legacy, and may you continue to be an inspiration for us all, inshaAllah.#YesWeKhan

Sandstorm

*Tip: Play the song in the video while reading this. Trust me.*

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. 

Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. 

This storm is you. Something inside of you. 

So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. 

People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. 

But one thing is certain. 

When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."

From "Kafka on the Shore" by Haruki Murakami

Sworn Enemy

This day has finally come.

I've always wanted to find out, but I've been so afraid to find out the truth. But this can't go on forever.

I approached him hesitantly, still having doubts, fear dragging my feet.

"Come on, girl. Pluck up your courage, and step up to the plate! It's your turn to swing the bat!" 

For some unknown reason all these baseball analogies kept coming into my head, even though I'm neither a fan nor a player. Anyway, let's put that aside for now.

*Puts it aside.*

And so, I decided to step up to the plate. I swallowed hard, and tried to remain calm as he approached closer. I could hear my heart pounding a staccato tempo in my ears and rapidly speeding up, blood rushing like the Niagara Falls. He kept on moving closer. I squeezed my eyes shut, anxiety and apprehension doing funny things to my stomach. Somewhere in my fogged-up brain, I was screaming: "Stop! Don't move anymore! Just stop right there! I can't stand this any more! If you move any closer, I'd..."

My thoughts screeched to a halt as he stopped. I opened my eyes, and peeked. He finally stopped. Did he hear my inner thoughts? Am I actually telepathic?

Nope. He just stopped because he's reached it. He's reached that number, that horrible number which determines my weight. I took a quick look at the number, cringed, took another look, then stepped off the bathroom scales. 

Looks like I'm not going to be able to have any Ben and Jerry's for a while. Sigh.

Now I know why my housemate kept saying that if I buy a bathroom scale, she'll destroy it on sight. They are women's sworn enemy. 

Romantic Penguins

Penguins are not only beautiful but are very romantic when it comes to proposing their mates. There are basically two charming traditions that surrounds the story related to love and proposal of penguins. Also they are among those rare animals who choose their mates for life.

Story #1:

When a male penguin falls in love with a female penguin, he searches the entire beach to find the perfect pebble and when he finally finds it, he waddles over to her chosen one and places the pebble right in front of her feet. If she picks the peddle, it means she accept the proposal.

Story#2:

During the mating season penguins gather on the beaches with a pebble in their possession. Each penguin will present his/her perfect pebble to the mate he or she most desires. If the pebble is accepted, they are mates for life.

Reference:

Yes I Know That website. URL: http://www.yesiknowthat.com/do-you-know-how-penguin-propose/. Accessed 21 Feb 2013. (blame my coursework for this. Now I've got citation OCD)

Penguins are more romantic than some humans. Plus, they're much MUCH more loyal than many guys. Maybe I should marry a penguin?

 *starts hunting for pebbles, then remembers that the guys is the one supposed to do that and sighs, resigning herself to waiting*

When will I get a pebble?

Endlessly

I am in love. 

He isn't handsome, I would say he's more of the cute kind.

He is taller than me, but not by much, just average. 

Not muscular or buff at all, not too skinny, just average. 

He doesn't look strong at all. But he can throw a good punch when he needs to.

He isn't athletic, or extremely smart, just average.

He's not rich, nor poor, just average.

I am in love, with his endless, endless kindness. 

His endless, endless desire to protect the ones he love, 
      sometimes at the expense of hurting himself.

His endless, endless desire to help others, 
      even when it may put him to a lot of trouble. 

His endless, endless spirit of giving, 
      even to those who never gave him anything.

His endless, endless heartfelt gratitude of those who care for him, 
      and how he cherishes them so preciously, so preciously in return.

His endless, endless way of always trying to see the good in people, 
      even when they were cruel to him.

His endless, endless strength when faced with adversity,
      even when his heart is crying out in pain.

His endlessly, endlessly gentle smile and warm heart.

I am endlessly, endlessly in love.

Dedicated to Natsume Takashi.

Conversations

Assalamualaikum, Peace be Upon You, oh reader.

17 likes and 6 Yes, plus one jokingly (I hope) said No. That's what my Facebook friends responded to when I asked "Should I start writing a blog?"

So here I am.

I think even if no one responded, by asking that question, half my heart was determined to start writing one anyway. I just wanted to see how people would respond (surveying the market? my future audience perhaps), but then again, I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't interested about actually doing it.

Which brings me to something I've been thinking a lot about: Conversation.

Why do people have conversations? Why do people initiate contact with others? Start asking questions? 

It may seem like an odd question. Of course we have conversations, we're people, we're social creatures, if we don't talk, we go crazy. Especially womenfolk, who have that ridiculous quota of 20,000 words a day or something, so short of talking to yourself or inanimate objects, you'd have to talk to someone else, hence having a conversation.

But it isn't as simple as that. To put it more clearly, why do we have conversations with certain people instead of others? That's an even more ridiculous question, you say. Obviously because we're closer to that person (either geographically, or emotionally), or because we like that person better, or because we have common interests with that person, and the list goes on. 

But after much thought, I think we can summarise all these reasons into one word: INTEREST.

If you are not interested in a person, if you have no interest in what they have to say, or no curiosity about them, you wouldn't bother asking. Well, except in situations where you're forced to talk to someone, like in a introductory session where they forcibly pair you with a stranger, or when you're practising taking a history from your friend (medics reference, sorry), or out of politeness in a bus with the over-friendly elderly person sitting next to you. 

Which is why people (especially girls) get angry when you don't listen to them when they're having a conversation with you; it shows a lack of interest.

And no one wants to be uninteresting.

It's also a good way of knowing whether a person is interested in you, if they initiate a conversation with you, then it's a pretty good sign. (And when they never do initiate a conversation, feel free to fall into the depths of despair, like I once did :P)

So, really, one of the easiest methods to make people happy is by showing interest in them, by starting a conversation. You'll never know what you'll find out in return, or what great company you may discover. 

And if someone starts a conversation with you, appreciate it and respond well, because it means they find you interesting, and they want to know you better. 

Annnndddd, (this is my major point really) if someone always initiates the conversation first, please do try to start the conversation next time. It's unfair (and slight pathetic) to always be the one starting the conversation with someone who never takes the initiative. It makes them feel kinda sad and desperate, because their interest is never returned, and makes them feel ignored. 

So please try taking the first step in your next conversation, be it with a stranger or with a friend whom you never did start one with. It may mean the world to them.

To end my first blog entry, I shall share a song about the stuff that make up conversations: Words by The Bee Gees. Thank you for reading!


“Ah, good conversation - there's nothing like it, is there? The air of ideas is the only air worth breathing.” 
― Edith Wharton, The Age of Innocence