The greatest enemy

Sometimes I wonder how do people define success. How do we measure it? 

I used to think that the end results determine whether we were successful or not. If we're in a competition, then winning first place is success, anything else is a failure. After all, what better word to describe success than champion?

I used to beat myself up whenever I got anything less than the top spot. Second place in class for my final exams? That means I'm stupid. 98% for my exam? Why can't I get even a measly 2% more? I was always comparing myself to others, and post-exam days in primary school would mean me asking every other person in my class what their results were and comparing it to mine. I even had a book where I would jot down my result, and put the highest mark for each subject next to my marks, so I could see how many subjects did I not get first place for, and how many more marks do I need to get to be the best. Even when I got 100%, I would write down how many other people also got 100%, trying to prove to myself that I'm not that special after all. 

But as I got older, I realised that though it was an excellent way to motivate me, I was basically putting myself down, and putting myself under so much stress every time exams came around. It also prevented me from becoming real friends with my classmates, as I was basically viewing them as my rivals and enemies all the time. I started seeing that my biggest obstacle, as clichéd as it sounds, is myself. 

So in high school, I continued my little book of results, but this time I only compared myself to...myself. I tried to beat my own score every time exams came, and when I did, I rewarded myself. When I didn't, I would go over my exam papers and speak to my teachers to try and identify my weaknesses, and learned from my classmates who were better than me at that subject. 

With this new system, I got closer to my teachers and classmates, I enjoyed beating my own records and improving every term, and somehow I got to being the best in my year without even consciously trying. 

I even stopped crying every time I failed to beat my own record. I stopped crying every time I got 2nd place or 3rd place, and I stopped feeling like all my efforts are wasted if I don't get the top spot.

Did it make me lose my competitive edge? On the contrary, I seemed to be blazing a trail of winning, even going as far as becoming national champions in debate. When all of your focus goes into being better than yourself, you forget about nervousness, about how good the other contestants or teams are, or how difficult it is to think of your debate arguments. 

When I won, I felt that all my efforts had paid off, and I knew in my heart that I won because my team and I was good, not because the other team was weaker, or because the judges like us, or because the topic was favourable to us, and that gave me so much confidence and courage. 

And when I lost, I still believed that all my efforts paid off, that I lost because the other team is better than the current me and my team, but we can still be stronger and better, and that gave me strength, to resolve to never lose again.

So if you ever lost anything, be it a competition, or election, remember that YOU define whether you lost or not. If by going through that experience, you have gained one thing, something, just anything: be it courage, confidence, skills, ideas, friends, strength, or inspiration; then you have gained, and not lost. Let every experience of losing make you strive to be a better you, instead of being about beating anyone else. And let every win make you be grateful, and strive for greater heights.

May God guide your way, and lift you to higher goals in life, and lift you to a higher Paradise in the afterlife.

P.S Congratulations to Shehroze Khan for getting 3rd place in the SU President elections recently. It wasn't a loss, as I'm sure you have gained much. This post is dedicated to you, and your legacy, and may you continue to be an inspiration for us all, inshaAllah.#YesWeKhan