Shell

If I'm keep myself to myself, I wouldn't feel disappointed when no one cares.

If I stay alone, I wouldn't expect to have friends come to see me or find me. If I don't talk to anyone, I won't expect to have someone talking back to me.

Or need to find someone to talk to who actually listens and wants to know.

If I don't care about anyone, I wouldn't get hurt or disappointed when they don't care for me back.

If I don't have anyone to care for, I wouldn't need to keep thinking and squeezing my brain and heart trying to figure out what they want from me,
did I do something wrong,
what should I do to keep them by my side,
how can I make them like me why don't they like me are they just being nice when they don't really like me i have to stop these thoughts they're nonsense i can't stop it they drive me mad keep me up at night i should

Stop.

I'll stay in my shell. My comfortable, safe shell where I can hide my heart, not have any expectations and never be disappointed and hurt. I won't be happy, but at least I won't be sad. Maybe that's the best I can hope for.

Until I find a better place for me.