Saturday, February 18, 2017

My alter ego in text

It is a terrifying feeling, to see yourself in a character in a book. To see your deepest thoughts printed, word for word, written by someone else's hand. It's like seeing the future, or hearing a prophecy about yourself. Like an out of body experience, staring at yourself from outside your body. You feel exposed and vulnerable, and oddly violated. As if to accuse the character: how dare you, a fictional being who doesn't even exist, dare to drag out my private feelings and splash them on pages for public display, parading it as your own monologues?

Perhaps it's the shock of confronting my own demons, appearing so suddenly, a guerilla attack in my safe comforting world of books, that have shaken me so. I can no longer pretend not to see them. I have had a glimpse into what may become of me through the fate of my colorless alter ego in text. And it's terrifying indeed. 

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